Part 2: Depression

This picture is of my Buddy dog and me in 2010. I got this little guy because I was really depressed. I hate to say it, but the truth is that many times through the years after I had to drop out of college, couldn't hold a job for longer than 3 months because I was just too sick, or exhausted, this little dog kept me from driving off the road, or worse. He kept me alive. I had to take care of him. I couldn't risk hurting him in an 'accident'. That is so hard to admit.

I met my wonderful Adam about the same time and we started dating. I had a wonderful supportive family, but I absolutely felt that everyone would be better off if I wasn't here. I wouldn't be a burden anymore. I wouldn't be worthless. I was loved, I was cared for, I wasn't alone, but I didn't feel these things... I felt I shouldn't be here. I had plans, big plans!

I tried to work, and tried to take a few classes, and tried modeling and acting school, but my body wouldn't let me do anything. I would rest, start to feel a little better than completely over do it and be right back in bed. I felt so behind. Just surviving everyday was exhausting.

I was afraid to go to the Dr. Again because they all said the same thing, that I am not progressed enough, they weren't really sure what to do to help me other than just push anti depressants. I tried many diets, and supplements, and some things helped for a month or so, but I would end up right back in bed. I was able to start working for my mom as her office manager and moved in with Adam and his best friend Phil.

I had Buddy and I was doing the best, and the most I could to be normal, which was as minimal as possible. I am so blessed and eternally thankful for my family, Adam, Phil and Buddy for everything in these years, as I struggled so much and tried to hide it as much as I could. I know I never 'looked' sick, which is the hardest to understand. My body and my mind were very sick, and I was very lost on what to do