Part 3: Autoimmune

In 2010 we were blessed with the news that we were pregnant with our son. I felt more fatigued than ever, like growing a person is not enough, but I still did not feel ‘ok’.

In February 2011 I went to a different primary care, explained everything so far, and they took like pint of my blood in samples. I then got a diagnosis of an autoimmune disease called Sjogren's (SHOW-grins) syndrome. It is commonly known as dry eye dry mouth, though I did not have those symptoms. My joint pain, fatigue and brain fog were the symptoms I had.

With this news came some scarier news that the antibodies I produced because of this disease could cause fetal heart block in my son. To keep on top of that, we had to have fetal echo cardiograms every 2 weeks for the duration of my pregnancy, to be sure our son was healthy. The stress and worry of this worsened my depression and I had my first anxiety attack the day he was born (Anxiety in Part 4).

Praise the Lord, Chase was born healthy with a natural childbirth, and we did not have any complications. I was able to exclusively breastfeed, everything was hard, and I was tired, but we found ways to make things work. I wish I remembered more about these days, but I am thankful for the support of Adam, Phil, my family, and friends. I am truly blessed.

After this diagnosis, I was referred to see a Rheumatologist, who said that I was not advanced enough in my pain and symptoms to have treatment, so that meant I still could not qualify for disability. At this point I had been diagnosed with Chronic EBV, depression and an autoimmune disease that, as one Dr. explained to me probably ‘fed’ off each other making everything worse. A vicious cycle that made everyday a struggle.

The only 'treatment’ they could offer was ibuprofen, exercise, and a ‘balanced’ diet. I researched, took supplements, and started drinking coffee. I got exercise, I had a newborn, we had stairs, and we would walk a lot. However, I was still in pain, still extremely exhausted and not getting better.

My pregnancy with our daughter in 2013, was much the same, only this time I had a toddler. We then scheduled to have a tubal ligation the day after Laney was born, because we could see that was all I would be able to do… and Adam honestly was worried about losing me if something were to happen. I know he wanted more kids, and maybe someday we can adopt, but at this point, it is for the best. It is hard still to say we made that decision, because Adam is a wonderful dad, and it still hurts to think I couldn’t do more. Asking him now, he would not have change anything and I am grateful, but it still has all the same feels to it.